"to have found God and to still pursue Him is the soul's paradox of love."
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we're chasing our own dreams. our goals. our passions. ourselves. our identity. our meaning... the catcher word is, "our". Another word would be, "my". my dreams. my goals. myself...and so on. we are focused on ourselves. our own happiness, achievements and gains. we are proud in our accomplishments and the goals we dream of meeting. we seek for happiness from others, in the mentality that we deserve it from them. And if they don't meet it, cause like each of us we are sinful human beings chasing the same things as everyone else, we throw the towel at them and tell ourselves, and maybe others aswell, "I deserve better. I'm just going to chase my dreams and make my own happy kingdom through the big goals I have." So many of us are focused on what we are capable of building in our own lives, totally missing the point of our existence in this world. while all this is very important to have, we should be careful to not become self-centered. many believe they have everything in its right place, but some are blinded. Gods been teaching me lately that this life has nothing to do with me, finding myself, achieving anything or reaching any of my own goals. before you jump on my back, hear me out: this life is all, and I mean all, about Him. this life is His. we merely get to be a part of His story. everything is under His control and guiding: when we let this life be about Him. He has purpose for each of us. goals and achievements assigned to everyone of us to carry out. our identity has already been formed and we have no need to look any further for ourselves than at the foot of the cross. for our identity and who we are, is hidden in who He is. the Bible says in Jeremiah 1:5, that before you were formed in your mothers womb, He knew you, He sanctified you; and basically already had a mission in place for you. in 29:11, it says again about how God has a future planned just for you. in Ephesians 2:10, it says, "For we are His creation, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, so that we may walk in them." in other words, before you even existed yet, He knew you, sanctified you for a holy purpose, had a plan for you and all the means you would need to carry it out. God has plans, guidelines, standards and hopes for us. He wants us to prosper and do well. He wants us to grow and gain achievements, to push towards goals. but most of the time we let our own desires and wants overpower His ultimate dreams for our lives, and we lose true purpose and selfless service and surrender. we become self-focused and proud of our accomplishments forgetting that without His strength, we could do nothing. loosing the blessing of letting this life be His; running His race as His hands and feet on the earth. never forget that He is the giver of true wisdom and knowledge. It isn't just about being the smartest or the richest. it's about living out Gods desires for our lives, and not letting ourselves and our pride get in the way of Gods higher plans and dreams for each one of us. the famous verse found in Proverbs 3:6, gives us simple guidance in how we can chase Gods plans and dreams: "In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your paths." And the best thing about God is He never leads us down a path; He never asks us to do anything that He doesn't have provision for. and even if we've messed up, that doesn't mean we've wrecked God's plan. He is well aware that we will fail, and He is ready to use our failures for our good when we lay them down in His hands. any place you are at, God still has a plan and purpose for your life. you need only to run to Him, acknowledging who you are hid in Him and the identity He already has in place for you. "you will seek Me, and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart." Chase after Gods heart with your whole heart. because of His unendingly deep love for you, He longs to fulfill His plans in you and your life. He knows that in a life hid in His heart that you will be happiest and the most fulfilled. let every part of your life be about Him and living out who and what He desires. It is a daily, moment by moment, laying down of yourself; letting His life be the life you live, His love, the love you give...let every breath you breath be wrapped up in His heavenly grace held within His heart.
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I want to talk about depression and believing the lies that satan tells you through other people. I believe far more of us deal with these sorts of things than most are willing to admit. Vulnerability is important. Facing your pain and the things that are hurting you, is so important.
Often times when facing deep pain we try to stuff it down and play it off that everything's okay. But this only prolongs the pain and deepens it. When depression isn't dealt with, faced head on and battled against, it grows. The roots spread and it becomes a part of who you are. When lies are listened to over and over, you take them as truths and they will change you. God has equipped us with everything we need to battle against the arms of darkness. I get it, it might be clinical depression or genetic but I also believe in a God who can equip us with the tools to battle against it, that it does not have to rule in our hearts and lives. It is ours to claim the strength He daily wishes to provide. It is a battle fought moment by moment, day by day. And at each moment we seek for His strength, He provides. I want to talk about the lies we believe. Whether it's because of the things other people say to us or the way they treat us or things we come up with ourselves. For a long time I embraced the lies that being the sick girl made me less of a person. Part of my value seemed hinged on how well my body was. I believed the lie that because I faced so many dark days I was unstable, weak and a mess. Someone who didn't deserve to be loved until my struggles were gone and all was sunshine and smiles inside of me. I believed the lies that I wasn't a beautiful person anymore because of the things I was going through. I could go on and on, so many lies I embraced that they became a part of me. When you embrace those lies they change the way you treat yourself, treat others, think and react to things. It made me angry inside because I couldn't magically make myself well, and I desperately wanted to be "as important" as everyone else. I wanted to be a beautiful person. I wanted to be all sunshine and smiles. I messed up unspeakably during this time because lies ruled me. Depression ruled me. My sickness ruled me. I became a different person. I knew it and I missed Tiana. And that made me all the more angry because I wanted her back but didn't know how. I lost my relationship with God and pushed people away so hard because I felt like I had to be different before I let people close. Satan rejoiced at the sight of me. He held me captive. He fed me lies many different ways that I believed. But there stood Jesus. Patient and kind. Over and over, untiringly inviting me into His heart of truth. He offers healing and freedom in such deep ways that take us to a place as a person far deeper than had we not been through all of that. He is a God who doesn't let even our own mess ups go to waste. He redeems everything and uses it for our good. The Bible says in Philippians 4:8, "Finally brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think on these things." If there is a thought that is bringing you down, lowering your value, or hurting you, God says do NOT think on those things. Our minds have so much control. And God wants us to dwell on the truths that He says, not on the lies that satan yells in our minds. Be mindful of where you allow your mind to go and the things you think and dwell on. When a thought comes to mind take it through a filter of true or false, good or bad. Ask yourself is, this something God would speak to me? if not, throw it out! Do not accept Satans thoughts. I have found that the most beautiful, deep, caring, and sincere solid people are the people who have gone through the most struggles and the darkest times. In the middle of their struggle they might seem like the worst person, but believe me, if they let God do as He will with their struggle they will be someone worth knowing. We read stories about people who went through crazy stuff and we are awed and look up to them for all they went through and went on to become. But when we have someone in our own lives in that place, not yet seeing what Gods going to do because of it, we get frustrated with them, look down on them and sometimes give up on them. Try to think about what they are going to become because of their struggle and fight for them on your knees. Watch what God can do. If you are the person struggling, be inspired that you are going to come out of this twice the person you were before if in the end you allow God to do the changing from satan and his lies. Trials are here to change us and transform us. To soften our hearts, give is sympathy, empathy and understanding. It helps us to be patient with other people, and love and care so much deeper. I like to look at it that my struggles only grow my value, not lessen it. Because the hardest times are what change us the most. Think about all Jesus went through, did it lessen His value? No! And it doesn't lessen yours. Stop embracing every thought. Not everything that seems true, is true. Just because you are tired, doesn't mean you're weak. The biggest and simpliest remedy I can offer is this: Fill your mind with Gods word. Keep your heart in a state of communion with God. Keep the channels open. Do not step out of His arms where satan has way to you. Continually lift your heart up to Him, redirecting your mind to dwell on His love and you will find that the chains will fall and satan will not hold your mind captive. Satan can not reach you where God is sought. Filling your mind with prayer and the reading of His word is a sure path to loosing the chains with which satan has kept you held bondage. I haven't talked about depression yet because thoughts are that powerful. And when you focus your thoughts on the character and love of God; of heavenly things, God will send His angels to surround you where satan's darts of darkness can not penetrate. As you dwell on God; on His love and mercy towards you, you will see that all damage done will be healed. Even in the darkness you will feel the sweetness of the sunshine living in His love, and He will give you a smile that no other power can take away. "You will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on You. Because he trusts in You, trust in the Lord forever. For in the Lord, is everlasting strength." Isaiah 26:3-4 A while back I believe I wrote a blog post about hitting rock bottom and the blessings that come with that. Well, I want to dig that topic back up and share again about why God sometimes allows us to hit rock bottom and why sometimes that's necessary.
Over the years of struggling tremendously physically and that aiding in deep depression, I've hit rock bottom more times than I can count. And every time no matter how deeply I was breaking, no matter how much the darkness seemed to engulf and swallow me, Jesus kept me holding on. As I wrote in my previous blog post, "Good, Good Father", I recently hit the lowest I've ever been. I didn't even imagine it was possible to feel so anxious for life to end. I hit a spot I didn't believe I could or ever wanted to recover from. The hardness of life and the pain that comes with it, felt so much greater than any good it could ever hold for me. There were countless nights I spent begging with God to just let me go; that I didn't want to fight anymore. He didn't answer right away. To be honest, it's taken many months to see any change or come through with His promise that He will rescue and heal. But you know, as hard as it was facing each of those days, wondering even if He would ever lift me out of the darkness, I wouldn't trade them for anything. He packed so many incredible lessons into such a short time, He did so much work in my heart that I never saw during it all. His promise of, "Child, just wait. Soon you'll see what I'm doing. Trust Me", never fails. And I'm living proof! He taught me what it really means to wait patiently before Him. To trust Him even in the amidst of pure darkness. That even healing has a perfect time. He never rushes, not because He wants to prolong our suffering. But because He knows there is greater good, and has greater blessings when He does things in His perfect time. He taught me the real reason I exist. That my existence really has nothing to do with me. I'm not here to find fulfillment, for my own happiness or gain. I'm here to be His light bearer, to share my story of His goodness and love in my life. The things I go through are to shape me, to mold me, to create in me a new heart: a heart fashioned and perfected in His similitude that others might find His heart through mine. I am here to be a living example of what a christian and daughter of God should be. For His love to flow out through me. My, "why me", turned into "use me". My, "God, heal my heart, rescue me out", turned into "here,'s my heart, wide open for You to do whatever it is You're trying to do in me." My, "God, why do I have to exist, just let me die" turned into, "God, I live for You. I exist to show the world what You're like through my life. Give me strength to endure this fire that burns away all my dross, that I might die completely so that You can shine through me entirely." Not because there is one mite of goodness in me, there is not one drop, but because of His redeeming love and faithfulness in never giving up on me no matter how many times I accused Him wrongly, no matter how many times I got angry at Him, and no matter how hard I pushed Him away. I have asked God millions of times, "why me, God? why me? why do I have to be the sick girl? Why do I have to struggle so much?" Well I'm here to say, if God is taking you down a painful road; if you've been walking this painful road even for years. Know this.... you are chosen. You are chosen for a special mission for God. He sees something in you worth cultivating; worth using. How humbling that the God of all creation would choose YOU to be His special light! He has a purpose for your pain, and that is to change you so that you can be ready for your mission: to be His love and light bearer. You are chosen! Recently Jesus opened my eyes to what it really means, and the way I can live having Him as my Father.
Imagine with me a little child. Innocent and dependent on his father to protect, care for, supply his needs, guide and teach him. The child lives carefree knowing he has his father who will take care of him. We lose that carefree dependency because we grow up and try to do things ourselves. We are to be like that child as Jesus is that Father to us even as adults. As simple as it sounds, we often never truly grasp it. We try to take God along with us instead of letting God take us along with Him. We view Him more like a friend and less like a Father. So we vent to Him. We ask Him to walk by our sides, asking Him to grant our wishes and upset when He doesn't. We throw fits like children. But we don't summit like children. As a child we had to summit our wishes when they went against our fathers trusting he knew best. As adults, God wants us to do the same thing with Him. Jesus wants you to hold His hand tightly, and just let Him guide you all through life. You know why You can so trust Him? Because He's already been through it all! And He's already got everything figured out. He has all your needs supplied just at the right time, He will protect you, teach you and be right there helping you grow every step of the way. We're not to try to figure things out or solve our problems and heal our hearts. He wants us to lean hard into His arms as a child and trust our Father with our hearts and our whole lives. Don't try to take Jesus along with you through life. Let Him take you through life. Don't just let Him be your friend, let Him be your all knowing, ever loving, tender faithful Father. Live in the worry-less freedom of His arms. Trusting Him to work all things out for Your best. Let the love of your Father cover every ache, every hurt and worry. Let Him carry every burden that you may run and skip through life carefree as a child. |
23 | Wife | Servant of Jesus | friend | health enthusiast | animal lover | traveling | adventurist | music
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