"to have found God and to still pursue Him is the soul's paradox of love."
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it's been a little while since I've written; I needed to take a little time away for some self reflection and because God's been doing so much in my life and heart lately I almost can't keep up to sit down and write.
I have never gone through so much change and growth in my whole life. Jesus has completely blown me away. I look back from a few months ago and I'm stunned at where Gods brought me in life and as a person. without hesitation I can say, that I am the happiest now then I have ever been in my whole life that I can recall. and its all because of what He has done. He has shown me what it truly means to "ask and receive", and what "lean on Me" really means. There are moments I wake up and I can immediately feel Jesus calling me to spend time with Him and its an unexplainable, irresistible pull. And when I say yes, joyously, gosh! the sweetness He pours on me is unexchangeable. as many of you know I moved to Michigan a couple months ago. it was the hardest thing I've ever done because I really did not want to leave home. I loved my job there, my family, and everything so unknown about venturing out so far away horrified me. but as the time drew near for me to move everything worked out so perfectly and I knew without a doubt that God was leading me here. I was scared, some people questioned me over and over whether I was sure I wanted to do this, some even said I was a little crazy haha, but that did not stop me because I knew what God was telling me to do. during the first two or so months in Michigan I thought I couldn't make it. I wanted to run back home. God didn't seem very near yet I never questioned if I had misunderstood His leading. I pressed into Him harder and harder sure that His promises were true. and that someday He'd come through. months passed and little by little His love became so much more real. I saw changes happening in my heart. where only sadness and depression once dwelt, I felt little sparks of joy. where chaos and confusion ran my mind, peace and a quiet rest pushed its way in. I couldn't remember the last time I felt what He was doing. I finished my spring classes and dove into four summer classes. between work and the hard classes I was extremely busy and a bit stressed. fall classes were open and I needed to register for the fall, winter and spring baking courses to finish culinary school. I went in to admissions and they switched it over so that I could register. but when I logged into register I found out that the classes were already full with a capacity of only 7 students. I went to my car, called my mom and cried my eyes out. what now? I'd have to wait a whole year to try to get in again. what would I do in the meantime? was this not what God wanted me to do? I felt lost and confused. wore out for trying so hard to feel like it was all in vain... long story short, I started searching for different options and brainstorming what I should and could do. I prayed and told God that I knew He had a plan to please show me. after applying for a few random jobs, within the next few hours I got a call from Andrews University wanting to interview me for a chef job. a little blown away that it all happened so quick I went in and they hired me on the spot. now where would I live? long story short, one of my best friends was about to get her own apartment in another state but when I told her about where God was now leading me she said she'd get an apartment with me making an apartment more affordable. it took a bit to find a place but we did, even walking distance from Andrews. so what looked like the worst thing that could happen, what looked like everything falling apart was actually everything falling into perfect place. If you are in a season right now where you don't understand why God's lead you there, keep chasing His guidance. keep trusting His plan. He has promised that He has great plans for you, believe that. hold tight to it. If you are in a season where you feel like a horrible person, a wreck, and you don't see God changing you. keep surrendering, keep leaning hard on Him, keep chasing His heart. He will change you. He will give you a new heart like you so long for. He will give you joy and peace. He has promised and His promises are true. if you feel like you will never be whole, happy or healed. this season will not last. He will wash you with His love and you will see the transformation He is doing on your heart even now. He is faithful, He is working. and even now He is holding you tightly in His hands.
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23 | Wife | Servant of Jesus | friend | health enthusiast | animal lover | traveling | adventurist | music
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