"to have found God and to still pursue Him is the soul's paradox of love."
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Over the last little while I've been learning a lot about myself, about my relationship with God and my relationship with others, specifically my romantic relationship.
God has allowed me to get to the lowest of lows. Lower than I ever imagined I could ever feel. But I am so grateful for the blessed lessons that I wouldn't have learned and continue to learn if it weren't for those deep heart wrenching painful times. Today I want to share a little bit of romantic relationship stuff. Some of it might seem a bit, "Duh" to you but I think it's important to touch on these things anyhow. What we will be talking about is mostly for the ladies, but gentlemen, please do stay and read. As maybe it will give you some insight into the brains of us girls. Also, let me know if you find what I write to be accurate in yourself. I'd love to know. Let's get started. Am I the kind of women he needs? Growing up I always dreamed about my future husband. The way he'd look, his personality, his walk with God, the way he'd lead our love and life together. I made that whole list of things I wanted: 6'2, broad shoulders, fit, brown wavy hair, light gentle eyes, extrovert, funny, sing to me, adventurous, kind, gentle, steady, positive, hard worker, family guy, ministry minded... Girl you get it. As girls dreaming about our future husband is like part of who we are as females. It's how God designed us. But I believe only occasionally do we make whole lists of things that guy we dream about would want in his future wife. We get caught up in him and lose track of us. And the women that kind of guy we want will need. The easiest would be to become that women beforehand, but some of us have to become her during a relationship and others, after one. Either way, if we summit our hearts wide open and lay our lives completely at His feet. He will teach and instruct and transform us in all the right ways. It is not something we can do on our own, in fact, we can't do anything at all. Jesus alone can make us the women our dream guy needs. A lot of what I'm going to share are things that your dream guy will need from you as his partner in life. Somethings I've learned that I believe would be game changers for some heart breaks. First, guys were created to be leaders. They naturally want to guide. Guys want to be the pursuers just as girls want to be pursued. Guys and girls are so different that sometimes tension builds up because neither one realizes that they are in two different worlds and theres nothing really wrong with either of them, but that their brains and hearts are just wired differently. So they have different thought passages, different emotions, different needs and wants, different ways of communication and so on. And often times, when the couple does not realize the miscommunication and strife is stemming from a lack of understanding of the other gender, they often blame each other for something that's really not their fault. If they took the time to see the differences, learn the differences and accommodate according to the differences, much more peace would abound. Relationships are all about giving, not 50/50, but 100/100%. As christians we are to die daily, we are to lay ourselves at the foot of the cross and take on His love and character. We are to put others before ourselves. We are to give the love we wish to receive. Not in order to receive but give unselfishly. When we love unselfishly it fills our hearts with a sweetness that nothing could ever compare to. In order to love your dream guy you must first love yourself. For real. If you hate yourself, that does something in your heart that shows itself in so many ways. I know sometimes its so hard to accept the way you are, believe me I've been there. But I also, know it's so possible because I'm living that possibility! And if you don't love God first and foremost, you sure as rain could not love him as he and you would both need for a healthy relationship. So focus on loving yourself. Letting God's love wash over you and be like a blanket over your soul. Accept God's view of you, His love of your inner and outer beauty. Focus on the things God says you are. Speak truths to yourself. It's so important. I want to share just a couple things that are so important in building up your man and keeping his heart and your relationship flourishing and being that proverbs 31, help mate we long to be. 1. Let him guide. Let him guide in the relationship and spiritually. It's not to say your opinion doesn't matter, it definitely does. And I'm sure he wants to hear your opinion and would respect you for it. But make sure he always knows that you trust his guidance even when you don't always agree. 2. Listen to what he has to say. Guys like to fix things. No matter what it is, they want to fix it. Which is so sweet and nice, but sometimes us girls don't want it fixed we just want someone to listen to us vent and understand our hearts. If he has something to say, listen to him. sincerely. It's only because he cares and wants to help. Maybe its not your idea of help or, like I said, you don't want help at all. But listening to him won't hurt and it will make him feel like he helped, guys need that. 3. Ask for his opinion and value it. Ask him for his input. It shows him that his opinion matters to you and that you value what he thinks. 4. Ask for his counsel. Heed his counsel and trust the wisdom God has given him. Ask him to seek guidance from God for something specific with you. Ask for his help and let him help you! 5. Hold your tongue. Now this is a harder one. Especially for those of us who tend to talk before thinking. But hold your tongue when you're upset, or frustrated and feel like blowing up at him. Instead, tell him he is a gift and something you love about him. Yes!!! Do it. You won't regret it. I know for sure that it would break down the walls of pride and anger and build a haven of love and peace. Proverbs 15:1 says, "a calm answer turns away wrath but a harsh word stirs up anger." 6. Tell him consistently that you believe in him and stand by him Guys get discouraged too. Don't neglect his need of support, it will mean the world coming from you especially. Hearing that you believe in him and that you stand by him no matter what will build him up, it will make him feel stronger and like he can take on whatever it is he is facing. 7. Affirm his strengths. He needs complements too. Point out to him qualities you see and love about him. Especially at times when his not so good qualities seem to be jumping out at you. Focus and voice to him the wonderful things about him. It will not only build him up but also, grow the love in your heart towards him. 8. Challenge him. Guys love a challenge. They love someone putting them up to something and trying to reach the goal. Challenge his spiritual life, dare him to become the best version of himself, to trust and love God a little more, challenge him to go after that dream a little harder and cheer him on all the while. "Be a cheerleader that challenges him." 9. Compliment him in public, especially in front of your friends. Encourage him publicly. Don't be afraid to show the world you are proud of him and who he is. 10. Take time to do and show interest in what he loves. Even if you know nothing about it, or hold any interest at all. You love your man, therefore you're interested in what he's interested in, so show him that. Let your own desires die and step into his world. He will love that you are interested and join in on the things he enjoys. And I can almost guarantee it will open the doors for him to do the same for you. 11. Always put him first. If he wants to spend time with you or wants to speak to you about something, if he is seeking your attention for any reason but you're not feeling it or you're just busy doing something else. Drop what you're doing. It can wait. Practice Christlike love by putting the other persons needs above your own. 12. Seek always to be positive. The Bible speaks a lot about being thankful, and trusting God. We can't be negative if we are trusting everything in His hands...Seek to be a ray of sunshine. Ask Jesus to fill your heart continually with His love and sunshine that it will overflow in everything you do and say. 13. Words of love and strength. Tell him he matters to you. Express appreciation for things he does or characteristics about him. Tell him you trust and respect him and his judgment. Tell him you support him. In short, build him up in any way you can, any chance you get. 14. Build boundaries. Don't burn each other out. Set healthy boundaries. Set recharge and sit down communication times. Date nights, where everything else is left behind and you just focus on enjoying each other. 15. Give him space. Sometimes guys just need to have a little space. Not because they don't love you but because they're human too. And we as humans sometimes need our separate time. and most importantly, 16. Put God first. Always. Focus your heart first on Jesus. Focus on letting Him complete you. Focus on letting His love and life fill every part of your heart. Seek to make Jesus' love be the love that you pour on your guy. Let Jesus do the transforming. Let Jesus love your guy through your heart. Focus on seeing him through Jesus' lens. Focus on building him up and pushing him closer to Christ.... Then will you be the women your dream guy needs.
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23 | Wife | Servant of Jesus | friend | health enthusiast | animal lover | traveling | adventurist | music
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