"to have found God and to still pursue Him is the soul's paradox of love."
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Ever want something really bad? The awake all night on your mind kind of deep want. Like more than anything in the world but it’s out of your control?
You wish you could look into the future? You don’t understand why you have this longing so deep in your heart when you don’t see how it could ever be possible? Yea me too. I hate waiting for anything. I’m a have to know right now kind of person. I don’t like a blind future, I want to know how it’s going to go. So trusting Gods guiding, timing and plans are very hard for me. I want to know right now whether the things my heart longs for will come to be. Cause if not I just want to be able to make my mind let it go. Or at least try to. Some things are not so easy to be okay with letting go. Lately I’ve had some pretty deep longings for some things really important to me. It’s been really heavy on my heart and changed me in so many ways. Which I am grateful for because I want to grow so much as a person but at the same time I get frustrated that I can’t control and make these things happen or know how life’s going to pan out. I want answers now. Lol I know my posts lately have been a lot about trusting God and His timing because, well, a lot of life is about that. Especially as a young person. And right now God has me in a season of a lot of learning what it really means to carry my cross, to let self die, and to rest in Him, trusting His heart and hands in my life. Lately a deep prayer of mine has been that God would take away any longing in my heart that is not meant for me. If it’s not His will than to take it out of my heart. Thing is He never has. Instead, He grows that longing and desire. But what He does do, is softens that ache and removes the worry. He grows the desire and longing, and at the same time grows my faith, trust and dependence on Him. ‘Cause you see, it’s not always about learning to be patient and wait, but about what He can give in the meantime. Yea, God wants us to learn to wait and believe He’s working. But sometimes it’s in the meantime that we learn the most about ourselves and the real reason for existing. Sometimes it’s the meantime that shows us a deeper depth of His grace and mercy and steadfast love. Sometimes the meantime is to prepare us because without this preparing we’d never be able to have those things in the best way which we long for. Maybe this meantime is the biggest blessing He could give us. Maybe He doesn’t bring those heart longings to come yet because He wants to do so much more for us than He’d ever be able to do if He gave it to us in our own time. Maybe this meantime is the answer to your prayer in disguise. Meantimes don’t mean He isn’t working or that He won’t give you those things which your heart longs for. If you surrender your heart to Him, if your talking to Him He will speak to you. Sometimes His voice is quiet, but He is never silent. Sometimes His “voice” is simply the peace and rest He gives our hearts. Sometimes His answer isn’t what we want to hear, (for instance, “I can’t tell you why you have to wait but just wait!”) but that doesn’t mean He hasn’t answered. When He says, wait. Do that, Wait! When He says, “keep that longing, I know it hurts to keep it, I know it’s seems impossible right now but believe me I’m not done yet! Someday you’ll going to see why this is the way I planned things.” Keep His promise, “for all things work together for good”, close to your heart. He has promised that He has great plans for you, that He wants to give us the desires of our hearts. But He also asks us to trust His timing and to serve, worship and grow in our love for Him in the meantime. Meantimes can be life changing, soul changing... if we let Him take full control of our hearts.
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23 | Wife | Servant of Jesus | friend | health enthusiast | animal lover | traveling | adventurist | music
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